As a Christian, I found myself frustrated and exhausted by the religious system of rule-keeping and performance, which drained me physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I’ve been a Christian my entire life, and the pressure to keep the rules, coupled with my apparent “nature to break them” led me to question my faith. My struggles reached a peak in 2007, when I became so overwhelmed that I went down to the local Marines recruiting center to sign up, knowing that the odds of returning home were minimal. I was hoping to find a way out of the religious system that was taking over my life, and although I did not end up joining the Marines, my frustration with Christianity persisted.

Many people assume that my frustration is simply because I want to “be right” or “complain” about the church and bash Christians. But the reality is that the mainstream religious system ruined my life, drained the life from me, and took away my will to live because it has no answers for the real-life problems I was dealing with. The church that Jesus intended to bring life to the world has become a life-taker in America (see: Romans 7:10), and the leaders often care more about keeping the gears turning in the machine than the “slaves” who wear themselves out and die of exhaustion from constantly being manipulated into turning those gears.

The problem is not that Christians believe differently than I do; the problem is that the church has lost sight of its purpose and has become a place where people are exhausted, manipulated, and drained of their will to live, but who also must wear the appearance of someone who isn’t wavering. The perversion of “submission” and “honor” has done more damage than good to Christians, who constantly fear being rebellious and dishonoring towards leadership, so they submit to and honor everything and everyone and lose the ability to think and act for themselves. This system has made Christians dependent on someone else to put the spoon in their mouth because they are scared to do it themselves and risk being wrong or dishonoring. It’s time for Christians to grow up and take responsibility for their own lives.

Jesus didn’t have pastors, ministry school, or conferences to attend and learn theology. All He had was a relationship with His Father, and without that, He probably would have never challenged the Pharisees and would have instead ‘submitted’ to them because they were ‘leaders.’ But He knew His Father, He knew what His Father sounded like, and what His Father wanted for His life. Christians need to develop a relationship with God that allows them to hear His voice and discern whether or not a leader is leading them in the right direction.

The concept of submission is biblical, but it’s not biblical to submit to everyone who calls themselves a leader. Jesus said that His sheep will flee from the stranger because they do not recognize his voice (John 10). Christians need to be discerning and recognize when a leader is not leading them in the right direction. It’s not rebellion to question leadership or to think for oneself; it’s necessary for growth and maturity.

The church needs to be a place where people can come to find hope, love, and acceptance, but too often, it has become a place of judgment, fear, and condemnation. Christians need to focus on building relationships with God and with others, instead of following a set of rules and regulations that do not bring life. As the Apostle Paul said, “The letter kills, but the Spirit gives life” (2 Corinthians 3:6).

In conclusion, my frustration with Christianity is not because I want to be right or complain about the church and bash Christians. It’s because I love the church, yet it was this thing that I loved that was the near-death of me. I know I wasn’t the only one, and people are still going through that. If you are, that’s why I do what I do. Stick around!